I had a client that continually posted on social media about how he gets up at 5am and hits the cold shower, runs x amount of miles before breakfast and so on, I was working with him because he had problems with getting other stuff done. Thing is he couldn’t see that the issue was right in front of his eyes.
The stinging question I asked him was, ” when you post about all your stuff, running, working till 10pm and so on…… who is it your trying to impress?
Somewhat taken aback he said, ‘no one’.
I continued, ‘Ahh so by posting your routine on social media what is achieved what is the purpose of it’?
He couldn’t answer other than its what people do.
We looked a bit deeper and found that he believed it was hard core getting up early and getting a cold shower. He believed their where health benefits.
He wanted to project an image of a guy that was in control , someone who was fit and healthy.
I asked him was that image he projected congruent with who you are in reality?
Hi problems being based around not having time to do the things he should be doing ( his words) like being a better father and husband, spending more time with his family and less time at work.
He came to realise that he was trying to project to the world and impress on it that he was happy and sorted but in fact it was a mask of busyness.
I asked him how it made him feel that he was not doing the things he knew were really important, and he realised that he was relying on the likes on his posts to validate who he projected he was and had become numb to the inner self that was in his words disgusted.
He came to a realisation that he was not impressing himself and because of some misalignment he had fallen into the trap of external validation.
My question to you is, Who are you trying to impress?
Tony Preston is a Psychodynamic therapist and CBT practioner who helps men 40+ transform body and mind with his T Fit 40 program.
T Fit 40 plus 